Blog 1: I do not know

Sitting in a cafe makes me realize that a lot of the time you do not know anything at all. I am sitting in a cafe trying to study for my finals, yet I do not know anything at all. Not because I don't understand what is in my notebook, I could recite all my notes with my eyes closed, but because when I lift up my head and smell the sweet scent of freshly baked cookies: I do not know. I ignore what goes through everybody's head. Are the guys dressed in biking gear thinking about what music is playing or are they thinking about their next golf match? I also ignore what music is actually playing since I have my headphones in. The plant in the corner, is it naturally from America or is it actually from Africa or maybe Australia?

So much is happening and I am so busy focusing on my life and my head that I ignore the little details. I want to know where they get their coffee beans from but I do not actually care since I am drinking lemonade right now. It's sweet yet bitter just like me. I want to know everything, not because I am curious or I care but because knowledge would mean I could be something, someone.

If you only know what you are taught, do you really know anything real? And if you do not know anything real, are you really that interesting? Am I that interesting?

Blog 2: I find it weird that a moment can pass.

I had the time of my life the other day, my friend came to visit me from Boston and we went to a music festival. It sounds like a lot, but my favourite part, the one that made me feel like I was on a cloud, was when we were walking on some tiny street. High above us, the sky was without a cloud and around us the street was empty. Not a sound was to be heard but our laughs. I remember clearly that as I looked around and tried to take it in as much as possible, I already knew that this moment would be a memory I would not forget.

We saw a garage sale sign and followed it. The people there let us take the cutest clothes for free, it's as if they could sense the happiness we were radiating. Each of them smiled at us, I felt like the sun in that moment.

All of this to say, I realized in that moment two things, the first was that I need to make the most of moments like this since there are always ups and downs in life, but you need to make the best of everything you have because that's all you really have: the moments, the sun and your friends. The second thing I realized was that I want to feel like this everyday, being truly happy and in the moment showed me that my whole life could be like this if only I found the beauty in every single thing I did.

Blog 3: No time to weep, I am taking it all in

You know that cringe scene in The Summer I Turned Pretty where Belly is saying "my whole life was measured in summers, it's like I don't really start living until I am on that beach with those people" or whatever she said, well that is exactly me.

I go to this one all girls summer camp for a month each summer and this is what it feels like. The feeling of the breeze making you hair fly around your face and the heat of the sun on your face as you close your eyes and focus on the laughs around you, that's what gets me through the school year: knowing that on this one month, in those moments, i will be around my friends and finally feel free. I get to wake up every morning and look around at the beautiful Canadian mountains, at the deep lake flowing near the trees and I can take a few steps and knock on my bestfriends door to ask if she wants to go for a swim, it makes me feel truly and deeply happy.

There is not a moment spent in those woods where I miss my life in the city, since the blue sky and the green leaves are all I could ask for. Which is why I am feeling nostalgic right now, since it is my last year as a camper there. Though I do plan to work there in the future, I know my friends will not all want to do that too. And even though I talk about how the camp makes me feel happy, the woods are nothing to me without the memories of running through them while laughing my heart out after a joke my friend made, the waters are nothing to me without the memories of paddle boarding at sunset with my favourite people and the cabins are nothing to me without the memories shared with some beautiful girls there. I am simply so grateful for every single moment spent there, yet I cannot shake the feeling of sadness that overcomes me when I remember this month will be my last with the people who I spent so much of my life with. I have known some of these girls for 8 years - I basically grew up with them- and knowing this might be my last time seeing them makes me feel so sad.

Though, this blog is happy. Because even if this is the last time all of this happens, it also means that it's happening another time! I will see those people again tomorrow, even if it's for the last time. I will climb the climbing wall again, even if it's for the last time. I will do everything I love and I will enjoy it for the last and final time in my life. There will be no time to weep or feel sad because I will be too busy enjoying and taking it all in. I hope I spend a great deal of time with a smile on my face this summer, and I hope you do too!

Blog 4: Legacy Can Be a Memory

Recently, I bought these old magazines. I was about to leave the thrift store free handed but a big pile of old National Geographic caught my eye. I walked over and inspected them carefully. The iconic yellow cover was faded and sometimes a small bit torn, the pages inside though, they were perfect, vintage and everything a crafty girl like me could want. Obviously, I get up from my crouching position on the ground and take three with me. I pay for them, maybe 7$, and I go back to my house happily while flipping through the pages. Old images from the 70s and hairstyles that would make people these days laugh, those magazines didn't age like fine wine. But when I looked at them, I felt a sense of nostalgia.

I never lived in the 70s nor the 80s or even the 90s, but seeing old photos and reading through this magazine that someone probably spent their entire day writing, I felt sad. Someone wrote this, girl or boy, far away on the other side of the calendar, someone nonetheless, they wrote this. Nowadays, nobody knows or cares about who wrote the July 1970 national geographic. But back then, I can imagine a boy in his 30s who got asked to write this, he was probably so excited to be in a big magazine. The emotions he felt are gone now, and so are most of the copies of that magazine.

All this to say that it made me realize something I thought I had spent my entire life knowing, but I never really realized: everything you do is infinite. People like to tell you that whatever you do or say doesn't matter because you live once and then you are forgotten, but I don't think that's true. On the contrary actually, whatever you do will last forever. Whether it is stopping someone on the street to compliment their smile or a concert you've been to, those moments will stay with you forever. If you make someone a birthday card or you knit a sweater, those items will hold sentiments and memories that the void couldn't replace.

So do what you want and don't be scared of not having an impact, because even the smallest of acts will stay with someone for longer than you think. Leaving a legacy doesn't have to be a big act that heals the entire world, a legacy can be a memory or a small piece of art. And maybe someone in fifty years will find your magazine in a thrift store and bring it home thinking it is the coolest thing ever.

Romy's blog and photobook